Let me tell you a story

Two steps (rant)

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 02:57:25 GMT

I hate it when everything shifts two steps to the left and your just gasping to catch up and in the end you know, just know that there is no way that you can. You just can't because the world keeps moving no matter how long you stand there waiting for you turn.

Everyone only wants to be your friend or around you when your happy and when your not then your no good to them. So much for fare weather friends I really don't want any more of those they take to much time away from...what does it matter what, it's too much time to give to people you can't call and talk to.

Too long

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 01:54:25 GMT

Okay I know, I know I’ve got a few stories still out there still undone and well more plot bunnies than I know what to do with but hum …yeah I got nothing.

I’m am feeling a lot better though and Dawn and I are starting the Artist Way together and we get to meet on Sundays! Go us.

Anyways I wanted to update when I had some cute funny story so here it is :yesterday at the book store this pretty little prefect type came in about 16 and I was like ‘May I help you’, and she was like ‘I would like the scary non-fiction where’s that?’ Thank God my Manger steped in at this point and said ‘I’ll help you’ because I was about to at least get a write up. I was in one second going to say you have got to be joking the scary non-fiction, no wait I’m sorry it’s right next to the true fiction. Some days I wish things were different that I was different and then I remember I could be the pretty perfect scary non-fiction type and I love myself a little bit more with all my bad points.

16 things

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 05:27:49 GMT

I was taged a long time ago so here you go:

16 things

I knit to calm my nerves
I am very good at killing video game monsters
I can spin my own yarn
I have two outdoor trash cans full of purses and bags
I love my dog more than most people
I don’t watch TV very much but cant get enough of youtube
I in love with the idea of make up right now
I love getting my hands dirty (art, yarn, dirt…)
I hate to drive
My house is always messy because I’m online
I feel guilty for liking to be alone
I rather have a nice computer instead of a nice car
I have a very good sense of smell
You can tell my mood by the music I’m listening to
People hurt my feelings all the time and because I’m tough they think it’s okay
I rather be reading fanfiction than doing almost anything else

Still in love

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:13:50 GMT

My birthday has come and gone but what is most important the very beautiful Buffy box set is in my possession! All seven seasons of vampire goodness, all feels so right with the world.

Haven’t been doing much but sleeping and today I got two room cleaned and organized and its still early might try for a third or maybe I’ll just watch Hellboy 2. Oh what shall I do?

In case you wondered I’m still in love:

Isn’t he pretty!

No Buffy for me....

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:57:05 GMT

So this is a Buffy rant you know that wonderful Buffy set that I ordered well they were a bunch of liars. I never got it but I did get my money back. It was the first time I bought something from ebay that went wrong I really wasn’t expecting the type of drama I went though. First after paying 14.99 for shipping they sent it US post and after a week when the post office said it never arrived I went though hoops to get someone to respond to my email and was told to wait another week. After that week more internet tag ending with me typing “give my back my money and I wont rate you and for 14.99 you could have sent it UPS”, which they did. More than two weeks, they claimed to have emailed me to tell the package was lost in the mail they never did. Then they said I could wait three to four weeks and they would send me another one, the time line to file a claim on ebay is only 45 days. Do they really think that I’m that stupid.

Okay so I’ve complained and now for your viewing pleasure I give you Rain:

4 minutes of your time

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:22:11 GMT

I follow Dr. Horrible on twitter and this is what he sent us. I have no words you have to watch it yourself:

Water?

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:39:43 GMT

I copied crazed_delusion and I did it for sureasdawn

You are a Waterbender!

The first waterbenders learned how to bend water by watching the moon control the tides. Waterbenders use Chi, the energy that flows through life, in combat. They redirect their opponent’s Chi rather than using direct strikes. Waterbending is stronger at night and strongest during the full moon. Waterbending is not possible during a lunar eclipse.

Which Element do you Bend?

I thought of my self as more of a firebender. Strange.

Brain reset

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:23:09 GMT

Hey did you know that I ordered the set of Buffy DVD’s seasons 1-7 chosen collection and I can’t wait to get it. I so want it!

I have to say that my brain has on auto pilot it’s like I just don’t want to deal with anything serious in my real life right now. Cause in point yesterday at work I found myself seriously reading a romance novel (click to see the book) I was ‘like this is really a great book’ truth be told at about 84 pages there is fan fiction out there that reads just as good or better and it free. I think my brain is telling me that it needs some rest.

Right now at work the boss is going crazy because loss prevention is coming down hard on everyone and that means she is running changing things hoping that will help the loss numbers and of course the first place to look is the employees, so I just bought like 100 dollars worth of holds I had and still she like telling how I need to make sure that when I buy things it rings up right and blah blah blah. What more do you want from me! I feel like returning all of it and buying my stuff online because even with my discount it’s still about the same or a better deal online. Needless to say work has been tense as of late! I so just need to finish my degree and get out of there. Right now this minute I am going to start cleaning my computer room because it’s crazy messy then later Noodle Café!

An update oh my!

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:20:43 GMT

Alright so have you ever just not liked someone? Their very existence pissed you off and hey it was no fault of their own it you all you and you know it! That’s whats happening to me at my favorite knitting shop. She’s great has two kids and now works at the knit shop part time. In truth she has everything I ever wanted and I am very jealous. I should just get over it but hey that would mean I was a logical grown up and all we know that is not true. So I’ll just knit at home and I think I’ll just start working on knit nights so I can blame work for not going as much.

So what have I been doing since I haven’t been going to the knit shop every single day? Well since you asked Rain (I wish). I had a little crush that’s been growing and growing and now it’s out of control I even tried to join the fan club but I have no idea what kind of Id they’re asking for. He’s very big in Asia and apparently was in that speed racer (crap now I have to watch it).

On the writing front I have a drabble that I did for a writing prompt that I’m thinking has turned into a little fanfic. Be looking for the drabble on Saturday after I get someone to read it. Any beta’s out there? There short little Xangel’s not like the Compatible that is now like 84 pages long and am just getting to the juicy part. I so need an outline and plan for an ending.

Okay I’m going back to the knitting because it’s the Knitting Olympics: during the opening of the Olympics (the opening song was done by Rain) you cast on a challenging project that you knit and finish before the closing ceremonies 17 days later. You lose points for yelling at family members calling into work or generally being a bitch.

Yeah I’m already like -26, oh well.

I had to

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 01:18:57 GMT

becasue

ru_salki99 did:

What Type Of Slash Fan Are You?

Well okay...

Sun, 04 May 2008 14:26:17 GMT

i dont even watch this show:

Which TV Villain Are You?

More on Supernatural. Created by BuddyTV

and because I had to:

Which Buffy the Vampire Slayer Character Are You?

More on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Created by BuddyTV

I am up already mark me upset...going back to sleep know!

Doctors and ordered porn

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:18:18 GMT

After another night of not sleeping I got up and call my Doc and she actually talked to me, why are we as patents surprised about that? Anyway I do not have leukemia I do have a blood disorder (which I already knew Von Willebrands) and that is probably why I’m on the list. She even went so far as to say that if she had gotten that letter in the mail she would have freaked out too. So okay feeling way less crazy now, on our meeting on Friday she wants me to do this program that testing new meds though I’ll talk to her but she basically says that the stuff I’m on that like 960.00 a dose is not really working like it should and the new stuff has worked with other people so it’s not like I really have too many choices, we’ll se though.

Alright ready for a little happy news my manager, I will not name her ordered me a book because I do love the yaoi it is called Yaoi Gothic the true title however is Yaoi Gothic: An Explicit Sketchbook and comes in plastic wrap with a nice NOT MEANT FOR CHILDREN parental warning sticker or maybe it was printed on the book itself. Everyone took a look, yep you guessed it was way too much. I mean, oh my God I feel the guilty for even having touched it and I’ve read a lot of fanfiction! I’m just not good with pictures. All I can think is this was ordered for me it has my name on it..

I go in today and it should be good, maybe I’ll get some writing in.

Okay well um. . .

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:47:03 GMT

So two weeks ago I went to the doctor because of some bruises and my lack of being able to sleep and trust me I can sleep like 15 hours a day. Now I didn’t get my results back but I did get sent to the hymnologist and then he ended up spending me to two more days getting tested. Friday I go in to talk to the doctor to get all the results and stuff.

Now today in the mail I got a letter from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society that tells me all about the programs they offer. Okay I know what you think I donated before…NO or maybe I gave another people type group money or time…NO. (Only donate to animal cases and the pink bow get me every time.) So now I am freaked!

Just had to tell someone… going to sleep now yep at 8:45 pm.

Getting my feet wet...

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 14:40:06 GMT

Because it's been so long I'll start with this I thought it to be fun and it's rather true:

Find your Celestial Choir

Still working on the house and getting everything the way I want it. The fan fiction and the knitting though have been distracting me. Most of the time I want to hide in my bed with my books and yarn but then the phone rings and I think there are people who do like me and want to do stuff with me well the books and yarn I can do that any time and those boxes can wait another day.

Who am I kidding I wasn't gonna unpack any boxes any way.

Cereal, nap, login...repeat

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 01:06:42 GMT

Still house sitting and I am happy to have some down time. Today I called into work because of generally feeling crappy. I just napped and watched you tube all day. I am so in love with all the art journaling and knitting people how put up free videos for everyone. Then I moved on to actually doing a few art journal pages (ya me) now I think I’m going to move to knitting and maybe watching a movie or two.

What’s up for Sunday you say packing up all my stuff for the actual real move back home because I won’t be coming back here for a while. The last time I went home I left some stuff (lots of stuff) behind because I knew I had two weeks of house sitting. Then knit club, then I have someone coming to look at my computer I thought it was okay but I can’t get either of the cd drives to work. And after that I’ll finish up the organizer I’m trying to make and type up all my Compatible notes. That’s a whole day of me me me and I deserve it, because my house is so not unpacked though I do have a two week vacation after the 6^th of January so it will be cleaning and a unpacking party except for a 3 or four day road trip.

Movin' back in

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:36:35 GMT

So today I moved boxes in the freezing rain and I loved it. That’s right I’m going home. The works not all the way done but most of it is and I’m so ready to be in my own space that I’ve moved boxes in the rain for the last two day and will be back at it tomorrow. The cool thing my Dad came though for me in a big way he brought my brothers and some other guy over and we (yes I mean me too) kicked ass and unloaded like 60% of the pod we have in the back yard. We were smart enough to label the boxes so it was easy going once I showed them around and explained what rooms were what.

I’ll actually have a craft area, bedroom and office. The small room that was my office will now be my bedroom and the bedroom my office since I spend most of my time on the computer it make no since to have it the other way around.

I even got to knit today and bought the yarn for the EZ Pie shawl knit along I can’t wait to cast on but I have lots of things to keep me busy like unpacking and catching up on slash reading and writing.

The only bad side is that I don’t have my DSL up so I will be gone for a while but I will return I’m just afraid that if I get it hooked up I won’t get any work done because I’ll spend all my time looking up all the stories I follow.

Pictures to come soon, if I can get my camera to work.

Keepin' my head up

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:21:45 GMT

It's getting so hard. I'm still not home yet and it will most likely be another two to three weeks before I can go home. Things seem to be just raining down on me and I don't know how much more I can take. I just want to be left alone but that is really not an option right now. I wonder if I click my heels three times and say
'theres no place like home" will it work... Oh wait...Nope still can't go home.

On the up note in a need not to think about my personal life my friends and I have stared an art club, went back to monthly knitting group and I'm looking for a weekly one. Also I've been writing up a good amount of fan-fiction long hand, so when I get unpacked some time after the first of the year there will be lots of fictions goodies.

Oh yeah I miss my boy too, never thought I'd say that but I do. April is coming down today so that means Sonic slush's and Princess Bride quoting. If it weren't for my friends I would have nothing to hold to so thanks guys.

One week...

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 01:53:18 GMT

In one week I went from having my own home with all my lovely stuff to sleeping on a pull out sofa and I just may be better off in the end.

Sunday: at 11:30 am the dryer catches fire. In one hour my whole life turns inside out. The cat we had for 12 years dies and the firemen triple the amount of damage done by the fire. If it wasn’t for Red Cross I don’t think I would have made it. All I could say as people started calling was I have no cloths everything I have is gone. The house looked so bad when we went back inside, that I though it all must be lost.

Monday: I start getting phone calls and well wishes coming in. I go back to the Red Cross and they give us tree more night in a hotel that keeps small dogs so I can have Gucci with me, they also give me a voucher for some cloths and new glass. We go back to the house and try to pull out some stuff but we just can’t everything sinks so bad and is so dirty that I cant see how any of it will ever be clean again.

Tuesday: I go looking for an eye doctor and I come to terms with the fact that I can’t keep my doggie with my its not fair to her and I am way to busy to pay her very much attention. I have to leave her with Lisa (who I trust and will be living with in the next few days, Monday in fact). I go into work and am given and envelope that makes me cry, the guys at my job really came though for me. I can’t say enough or give enough hugs to let people know how much what they did means to me. They gave money offered laptops offered to let me raid their closets for cloths. What do you say when you have nothing and the people around you step up and let you how much they care.

Wednesday: I have to call into work so I can meet the cleaning guys and try to understand what we have to get done. I am very well intentioned “We will survive” this we can make, till the contractor shows up and is like sweetie all your gonna be able to do is save valuables and keepsakes then we are going to bring in a dumpster and trash the rest of your stuff. I couldn’t even function I just had to leave the house taking my doggie with me. After Gucci got the once over from the vet and her ear and nails trimmed I took here to Lisa’s and this is when my heart split in two. I have not been away from Gucci for more than two days ever and with the loss of our cat Misha she hasn’t been eating like she should.

Thursday: Our last day in the hotel, we pack up and leave my mom goes to the house to try and pull some things out and I go to work. I have complained about my job before but I must say that working that eight hour shift where it was all about the books and not so much about the fire was a God send. I went back to the house that day to try and get my computer and my webkinz but only got my webkinz because my mother is being super helpless (at one point she asked me hoe to open a bottle) and just couldn’t deal with staying in the house any longer. We move in with Mrs. Ida’s and I get my first real night sleep. I went to bed at 7:30pm.

Friday: I work again, have a fight with the pod people (on site storage folks) and go to be a 9pm after reading the fist half of Loveless the manga at work, because I forgot the key to the place I’m staying. Duh!

Saturday: I get up at 5:30am and am at the house at 6:30am clear a space for the pod, pick up all the energy drink bottles the firemen left in front of our house the day of the fire as a farewell !@#$ you and 7:30am they deliver the wrong pod. I sweet talk the guy into please pretty please with anything you want on top go back and bring us the right one, because we need room for that dumpster to hold all of my stuff. Then we start sorting and packing up stuff on the first floor and I got my computer out I have no idea if it will still work or not but got it out anyway along with MY GLASSES. I found them in a pile of crap once Mrs. Ida cleaned them they were fine.

I am determined to come out of this trial in a better place and a better frame of mind. I have always been a “Prove it” kind of girl and thats just what everyone did, they proved it. Proved they have my backs: Sara (for putting out a call of help when I couldn’t make one myself), Dawnie (for telling me about Loveless and offering me a way to get my fix), Lisa (for taking in the most important thing to me Gucci), Carol W (for make sure I got something I need and could use, yeah a basket of books and yarn would be nice but not when you have no underpants) Allen (for not letting me brood too much, because I was smited) and Kay (for feeding my webkinz and making sure I don’t self destruct from 300 miles away) love you guy sooooo much I don’t have enough words for you. Thank you!

35 dollars gone.

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:13:57 GMT

Oh man, I just wasted 35 bucks I bounced a check for 0.87 cent that’s right less than a dollar!

I just need to say that. ::Shakes head and goes to get pancakes::

Today in my world...

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 02:24:25 GMT

My moms fine and now will be off almost the whole time I'm on vaction (oh well).

But today I made my dog hate me, she love me again because I have bacon:

Every time I look at her now I think "Your Naked!"

Some bad...Some good...

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 04:11:50 GMT

So a very cranky day at work where I snarked at Sara, crap coustomers then I was denied a Harry Potter hat (knew that would happen anyway, just bought some na na) and then a frantic call from my mom that she feel and hit her head and was now going to the emergency room it at the very moment I had breathed a sigh of relief that my work day was over. Getting home at 9:30 I discovered that I have fucked up my sock that I have been knitting all the while we were at the hospital. I so don’t have my knitting homework done, but I’m going to class anyway (the knit can not be stoped).

Good notes I have finished all the prep work for my Harry Potter party and I have ordered and given a list of all food needed. The only thing remaining to do is decide if I’m going to dress up as Dobby or Tonks, I already have the Dobby set up but if I’m Tonks I get to dye my hair, I’m thinking Blue. Things we’ll be doing: window clings, chimes, coloring, tivia, sorting hat, wizard hats (I’m knitting Kay the wizard hat from charmed knits), wand making, bean count and then some games. Prizes include the hat I bought, the Harry glasses I got last time around, posters, coloring book…and these really cool bookmarks I make.

I have also taken up a challenge to write a fan fiction so no rest for the wicked, for now though I’m going to sleep, to dream of Asian boys and winning lotto tickets.
Last but not least:
Three days till my three week VACATION!

Crash...Wink...Knit...

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 03:08:48 GMT

Okay the car problems aside things aren’t that bad. My mom got in a car accident but she wasn’t hurt, just more upset than anything. Since she has high blood pressure that’s not good. So now she gets a whole week off, ya momma! I got my car back from the shop for the low price of three hundred bucks.

For all of you who know me in real life I’m only ganna type this once “I like boys” and not just the imaginary ones that do naughty things to each other either. The guy who hit my mom was so nice (he actually knew her and was really sorry). The guy who towed my moms car kept calling me honey (not in a creepy way though). Then my boy brought me goodies and watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force with me, told me everything would be alright when it is so obvious that my mom and I just need to give up and take mass transit. I know I said no happy ever after thoughts about this one cause he’s leaving soon but I’m starting to think they have nice yarn shops on KC I could live there.

Total goodness I took my fist class and Kirkwood Knittery and I loved it everyone was so pleasant and I was good and only spent six bucks. The class is socks part two and I have homework. He he I must knit because it’s an assignment. In my knitting euphoria I ordered this pattern Herre be Dragone Shawl. I have lost my mind.

If you want to know...

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 03:10:30 GMT

Alright it’s been soooo long since I’ve updated I know and anyone who knows me in everyday real life knows why, so let me tell everyone else.

Work: Well they gets the one finger hand wave for more reasons than I want to mention. Let’s just say that I fell like anything that happens to me at my job is my own fault. It’ got so bad that my boy had to tell me something like “The people at your job are not your family you cannot make them your family. You view them as family they think of you as an interchangeable cog. If you leave they’ll just replace you.” Can I just say omg I knew this but hearing it is so …just so not ignorable. I did have an interview and let just say there is a reason the city public schools are in trouble. Wish me better luck next time.

Home: The stuff with my mom is better I have just started treating her like a child. It seems to be working. She has started to catch on, I don’t really care though and I think she may like it.

Writing: Going slow but well I finally got 4000 hits on AFF.net I am so happy about that now if more people would leave comments, oh well can’t have everything. I’m having this problem because I seem to be just putting poor Xander through allot of emotional stress. I must be taking out all my issues on him, poor boy.

Obsessions: Knitting I turned a heel today at work I think I said very loudly “Ha I’ll be crazy when I’m wearing socks” I was wearing socks not hand knit ones but socks non the less, so me and my other coworkers just started cracking to the point I was crying. Oh yeah I think I might need a needle break but I just can’t.

Webkinz if you don’t know what these are there like sims but for little kids you get these online pets you can dress and take care of. You can now grow your own food. I’m so hooked think my slash problem with a cash total. I now have 80,000 in webkinz cash. If only it was so easy to earn real money.

Compatible part 4b

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 13:07:08 GMT

Title: Compatible
Author: yessire
Rating: 16+ eventually
Fandom: Angel/Buffy
Pairing: Angel/Xander.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the pretty boys, in fact I own nothing except my dog, and she never does what she’s told.
Summary: When Angel and Xander begin to see each other the views changes.

Setting: AU the time line is not right since most of what I know about Buffy I learned from slash.

Feedback: Please or you could always send candy…lots of candy.
Thank to you Sara for the beta help you rock. Glasses up for the best mod.

http://yessire.livejournal.com/tag/xangle

***

Buffy made sure she got to Willows house early this was their last day after all. She and Willow both left tomorrow at 9:30 am for LA. Buffy’s mom was dropping Willow off at LAX and taking her to her Dad’s house first thing in the morning.

Buffy was of the opinion now that whatever the spell did it was better that leaving Xander here as is with her Angel. Besides she could still claim innocence of any outcome that was unwanted or dangerous she was a slayer not a witch after all. At this moment Willow was telling her about how it was really hard to ground some kind of root to right consistency. “Okay with all the talkage Wills, tell me when I bleed. I’m kinda pooped from last night.”

“Must have been a rough night. You don’t have to do anything until I hand you the knife that can be our signal, okay.” Willow spoke to her slow and firm making sure she understood they would only have one shot and this spell was way more powerful than she even first thought they would be evoking the god and goddess.

Willow mixed everything and using what looked to be a small barbeque pit started a fire before Buffy could protest Willow started to talk and Buffy was on her knees opposite the witch. Buffy was worried still about the smoke but something seemed to happen all at once the magic dropped around them heavy like nothing else she ever felt before.

Willow’s words stared to bleed through the haze in her mind, “…make the one to come true of heart, loyal of soul…bring him a form that will stand and thrive against the trials of …change what is not to what is…when what is to come stands before Alexander let the lost be found and good win out…let him follow the right path not the one easily chosen…”

Buffy was only getting parts of the speech. Willow was speaking in language that had long been forgotten that all humans were born with knowledge of, but forgot before they spoke their first false words. The slayer felt a pang of gilt or remorse, she was so unaccustomed to the felling that she didn’t know which one it was. This magic held her immobile until the knife was handed to her, this magic was way too strong.

Willow was careful with the pronunciation of the words she spoke. She tailored the spell to change Xander from what he was to something stronger, to let his propose be true and clear to let his love be recognized when found, all this she added and now it was time to invoke the god and goddess, she handed the knife to Buffy and watched as the slayer drew her blood and then she started to speak once again.

Buffy held her hand over the pit and tried best she could to understand the words Willow spoke she knew this was the part where they changed Xander and described him to make sure the change only affected him. “We the slayer of the hellmouth and a witch of the hellmouth call you forth as those before have called to change one born one way to a form more fitting to their destiny… We offer slayers blood and the power intuitive to me into your service…Alexander Harris…brown eyes, brown hair…standing 5’6”…lover of...the one who takes care of…” In all her descriptions she was so sure of all she said except she was wrong about his height, she added things and lefts some important ones out. More importantly though in all her descriptions she never once described him as human or male.

***

His day went like he thought it would, he spent some time at the second hand store looking for something nice to ware to the Bronze later that night. He settled on a pair of dark Blue jeans and tee shirt that said ‘The geek of today is the billionaire who won’t dance with you at your ten year reunion.’ It was a little small and short sleeved but his father hadn’t touched him in a while and with help from Angel all his bruises were gone. He spent the rest of the day at the café and instead of going home he changed in the bathroom after he helped pick up the café. He was pretty sure when he asked for that job he’d get it.

So now he stood just inside the Bronze looking for the group of people he called friends. He was becoming less and less sure that definition actual fit to the set of people in the left corner of the club. He was making his way over to group, before he got half way Lisa was standing in front of him beaming up at him with a smile, “Hi, Xander…um how you’d do on the algebra two finial. Did that stuff I explained help at all?”

She was cute to say the least and god was she stacked. Her light brown eyes shown and her hair was always falling just perfectly into her face, it made you want to reach out and push it behind her ear. Some might have called her chubby, Xander thought her perfect. Xander decoded her brand of babble and answered all her questions. “Hi Lisa. I got am 81 on the test. The stuff you explained made all the difference, without your help I could be in summer school right now.”

She was smiling when she said, “So I helped then?”

Xander smiled back, if he didn’t know better he would have thought she was flirting with him. “Yeah you helped.”

Lisa then stepped a little closer and spoke again, “Then you should buy me a drink and tell how you’re going to repay me. I’ll go get us somewhere to sit.”

Xander was walking to the bar and mentally thinking how much money he had. To forgo any problems Xander had put two twenties on the kitchen counter before leaving today and the cloths shopping he had done had taken more money than he though it would, so he decided he would just get her something to drink. When he got to the bar he had another problem what to get her. When he heard the voice he’d come here for to the left, “She’s pretty. Like the girls I grew up with beagán éileamh. The kind of girl that keeps you warm at night.”

Xander was trying to fight down the blush. “She wants a drink.” Xander’s voice was unsure when he spoke “What should I get her? What do girls drink?”

“Get her that drink with the cherries you like so much.” Angel wore a smirk as he gave his advice, then he turned to the bar tender and said “Two cherry cokes, two ice teas and one root beer.” Angel then put his hand down on the counter and slipped it in front of Xander coming in contact with the boy’s hand crossing his smallest finger of his hand over the back of Xander hand.

Xander wanted to look over at him but didn’t dare. The hand pushed a little more against his, pushing underneath. When the drinks were delivered Angel took his and crossed the room parting the crowd as he went leaving him, going back to Buffy. When Xander raised his own hand he found a fifty folded neatly. Moving back to the other side of the Bronze he remembered:

Xander was rocking back and forth on his feet with eyes down, “You don’t have to give me money and why so much, I don’t need so much.”

Angels was matter of fact when he spoke closer to Angelus than he would have like but in all things involving Xander his demon was right there making sure he did not fuck things up. “You are mine to do with as I please, remember you agreed to it. It pleases me to care for you and that means you eat and you think I don’t know that more than half of what I give you ends up in the hands of others.” Taking a deep breath readying himself to make the next confession. “Angelus is calmer when you are taken care of and that makes it easier on me.”

Xander should have known. Angel was not only buying him off he was also buying off his demon too. Then more words came, “Beside I owe you don’t I? You have no idea what it means to have your…trust. It has been more than a hundred years since I’ve been allowed to be myself with anyone. For that alone you will never want for anything beagán éileamh. Let us not forget as well how good you taste.

Xander was looking away trying to school the blush that was rising on his skin, he seemed to have to do that a lot around Angel lately. “What does beagán éileamh mean.” He had mangled the pronunciation but the meaning was clear.

“Means little claim in a round about way.”

“Not little.” Xander said with a mock pout trying to lighten the mood and buy time to think about everything Angel had said.

“No, no your not for a boy of your age you quite well endowed.” Angel was trying not to laugh as he watched the boys color change to ever deepening shades of red and such a pretty red it was.

Xander came back to himself standing in front of Lisa with drinks in hand. As Angel sat and listened as Xander and Lisa sat and talked neither noticed the smug looks on the faces of Buffy and Willow.

Xander and Lisa talked about school, summer plans and nothing at all. Things were going well until she asked to dance. What could he say but yes.

Buffy was holding court, happy at being the center of attention, Angel was turned towards her seemly to pay attention to only her but really concentrating on his claimed and catching fragments of the conversation across the room. When Angel asked her to dance she was felling gracious and agreed without any fanfare. What she also did not notice was that Xander was also walking to the dance floor with his chosen partner trying his best to look confident.

/At least your slayer can be good for something./

//I would think you would not want another to touch him.//

/hmp..she is just a girl and if we help just a little he will be the one doing the touching how beautiful it will be to see him against that one./

Angel was amazed at the way Angelus was acting. // Why so compassionate with the boy? You seem to have an infinite amount of patience when it comes to him.//

/The same as I had with my Dru and the same as I had with her William./

//Not so patient with…//

/I was more patient than a creature who knows they have eternity to make amends for any wrongs done. Now I know better, don’t I. Everything I have, everything I am can be taken from me while I watch and am able to do nothing to stop it all slipping away from me./

Angel blocked out the guilt as he moved through the crowd bumping Xander just enough to get his attention. Then he stood facing Xander and held his hands up for Buffy to take her place within his arms. There was a slight pang of hurt but then what the vampire was doing became clear to him, he adjusted his stance and held his arms out just like Angel did and Lisa moved into to his arms just like Buffy did for Angel. They moved together as one with one common goal.

They moving in tandem, Angel swayed and Xander followed making sure he stayed in sight of the vampire. The song they were dancing to was a slow one, the dj even seemed to be in on the plans Angelus had for his boy.

On the second song Xander mirrored Angel by dropping the formal hold he had on Lisa and pulled her close. Xander felt a little guilty, because even though he was closer to this girl than he had been to any other his attention souly rested on Angel. When Angel moved his hands up and then down Buffy’s back and then rested them on her hips, Xander hands did the same. Next Angel gave a quarter turn and let Xander have a side view. The vampire then slipped a pale hand up his partners hip and around just a little turning that hand so that the back of it was now against Buffy’s little black tank top, so that his knuckles came in contact with the soft fabric, moving slightly upward just millimeters at a time. Inside Angel’s head Angelus was cheering his boy on, cheering himself teaching his boy to seduce just as he taught William a century before. Angelus was always a good teacher no matter what method he used.

Xander was so close, he could feel Lisa draw in each breath, he was waiting for her to protest, but that protest never came. Xander pulled his eyes away from Buffy and Angel and looked down at his own partner to find her looking up at him, with something that looked nothing like protest it was more like trust and acceptance. Xander kept moving his hand up toward his the object of his affection.

Angel however had stopped moving his hand, what was the use anyway. She would just stop him as soon as he got to close. She always did. Xander on the other hand was in the zone.

No longer just moving for himself and Lisa he had a feeling that he was moving for Angelus as well. He also knew that Angelus was the one helping him taking his time to teach Xander the way things should be done. All the reasons were growing for Xander to trust the vampire to maybe love him just a little. He had no reason to believe that he was pleasing Angelus by doing this he just knew that he was.

Angel watched over Buffy’s shoulder as his human swayed to the melodic beat, watched him move the girl to his own rhythm, he watched the progression of Xander right hand. So intent on that hand that he missed the cheerleader coming up to the couple. She collided with them spilling her drink all over the front of the girls shirt, not even touching Xander with any of the liquid, there was no way that was an accident.

Before Angel could do anything Xander was handling it “Lisa you okay? Maybe I should take you home.” Totally ignoring the cheerleader.

Lisa however was not looking at Xander she was looking at most popular girl in school and that girl obviously did not want her dancing with Xander Harris. Angel watched the silent battle being fought and saw the moment Lisa lost. “It’s no problem Xander I can get home. You stay with your friends.”

Again Xander felt that feeling the one he got when he knew that people didn’t want him around. “Okay, maybe I’ll see around this summer.”

She looked a little sad when she said “Sure, see ya.” and walked away.

Xander spent the rest of the night watching both couples cuddle together and tried his best not to look at Angel at all. It seemed every time he did he felt his face flush because he couldn’t help but remember the night before. One thing he seemed to notice though Buffy was much more touchy than usual and way more agreeable to Angel than she typically was. He hated that he had to sit there and watch as soon as he could he was off, even home was better than this.

***

By the time Angle was standing outside of Buffy’s home he was very happy that she would be leaving the next day. Her friendliness only seem to last as long as she had an audience when his boy and then the wolf and witch went their way and it was just them alone she was less interested him. Angel tried to make conversation, come up with something they could share but in the end Buffy just didn’t care enough to make the effort and honestly he felt a little stab of dishonesty whenever he smiled at something she said or leaned into one of her touches.

Angel walked away from the slayers house just a little bit lighter than he’d walked up to the door. She would be gone by dark this day and then he could breathe so to speak. Angel took off at a fast walk that turned into a run. He ran fast as he was able, not at all hiding what he was. Under his skin he felt a tingle not one to be threatened by just one to be aware of. He was tuned into the cropping of trees where he and Xander had first been tied together and waited.

Nicolas stepped out and gave his report. Xander had gotten home safely, no problems. The wolf had woken up but was not doing well. The man they were keeping in the lair was dropped off at the police departments door step. The improvements to the lair were underway …

Only two and half hours till dawn Angel tuned it all out and put his hand up, “Later tonight I’ll be there by sundown, but I want you watching the boy.”

“Yes master Angelus.” Nicolas was smiling as he watched the new master of the hellmouth as if he had anything to say about it make his way to a small window about ground level. Anyone who couldn’t see didn’t have eyes, the pet was the way to get the Master to do anything and for that reason he would meet the sun before he let anything happen to the Masters human. Angelus would come to the conclusion that being the master of the hellmouth was the only way to truly protect his pet, of that Nicolas was sure.

Inside Xander’s basement Angel eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness. //Why are you here?//

/You know why we are here./

//We’re not hurt and he just fed us yesterday.//

/You know as well as I do that he could feed us everyday as long as we share blood with him./

//We shouldn’t…// Angel was trying to come up with reasons not to feed from Xander tonight, but he knows that Angelus is right. There other reasons to feed from the boy too the more they do this the more Xander will become accustomed to feeding them and the stronger the boy will become. Their connection that was already strong would also get stronger. Yesterday Xander had met him at the window, today though he slept like the dead with Angel standing over him, Angel wondered why.

/Do I have to tell you everything you know as well as I do that yesterday we were hurt and in need of him even before that. And tonight we just need…/

//Need what? What are we here for?//

/Do we need a reason?/

Angel had no answer for this either he just looked down at the sleeping boy, bare crested with a sheet wrapped around his middle. He was curled up on his side. Angle could not deny it he wanted Xander. When the vampire let out a low growl at his own frustration and confusion Xander’s eyes snapped open.

Xander uncurled himself and looked up. “You okay do you need…” he left the rest unsaid and just tilted his head to the side exposing his neck. The conversation in the vampires head was to easy and getting easier all the time /Let me out./ Angel just stepped aside.

“Such a good boy you are.” Angelus was kneeling next to his boy as he spoke gentle words to him.

Xander looked into solid yellow eyes and knew that he was looking at Angelus again. His heart decided that now was a good time to try and pound its way out of his chest. All he could say was “I’m sorry.”

“For what little one?”

“I shouldn’t want…I should be …”

“What stronger braver? You have no idea how much you under estimate yourself. You think I would take in a weakling, that I would give a coward my name?” Angelus was staring down at him and Xander felt like he was being appraised. “Make no mistake beagán éileamh you have my name written all over you in my blood.”

Xander just turned his head away again and waited. When he felt the weight of a body above him one leg pressing in-between his, he parted them to give Angelus the space he wanted. The vampire nuzzled his neck and then placed sucking kiss along his shoulder and neck when he reached the original spot form the very first night he sucked harder leaving a red mark behind and used his blunt teeth to bite down hard but not enough to break the skin. Xander made a sound between a grunt and moan he had no idea what he should do, this was more that just a feeding he knew it.

When Angelus pushed his other leg between Xander’s the boys heart rate increased but he said nothing. Scared but still trusting, Angelus rewarded him by pushing hip down at just the right angle and Xander made a gasping noise. Angelus couldn’t help but smile at that.

Xander felt the moment when the vampire shifted into true face, the ridges moved across his skin and all he could think was this is where I belong this is what I was made for. When pointed teeth sunk into his skin instead of just accepting like he’d done all the time before Xander raised his arms. One hand moved on Angelus’ back trying to drag him closer and the other on the back of vampire’s neck making sure he didn’t pull away. Part of Xander wanted this to be it, the last thing he remembered.

Angelus’ pants the sheet and his own boxers were like miles of space he couldn’t bring himself to cross, but he could let the creature above him know how much he appreciated the kindness being shown him. Xander pushed his hips up and then the words started to spill out, “Angelus I want you, I want this. I’m yours always yours. Whatever you want, yours. Promise.”

Drinking down the life of his human the demon registered the words spoken and wondered if the boy new he was making a vow tying them closer together than even Angelus had hoped for. He pulled his lips away from the boy’s neck to look into his eyes. He could see the open want and the need in them and it made the vampire hurt. The very fact that Xander needed this so badly gave him more reason to believe that no one else had ever been there for him and that also made the vampire angry. Angelus started to move in a small circular motion while watching Xander eyes squeeze shut and jaw go tight, if he didn’t know better he would have thought the boy was in pain. He was so fucking beautiful making those gasping noises and for the fist time he was touching back running warm hands over his shoulders and arms. All at once the boy went still and stopped breathing all together, Angelus leaned down again and started to suck on the wound that was still bleeding. When the vampire did that the boys hands grabbed at him pushing his rounded nails into his skin.

When it was all over Xander’s hand slipped down each of Angelus’ arms and ended up on the sheets below and instead of licking the mark closed this time the vampire sat back on his heels and looked at what he owned. Everything in him wanted to pull away all that separated their skin and take every part of what he knew belonged to him. He had made a promise though given his word to the boy even so he undid his trousers and used his hand, on the second stroke he took a breath.

Xander was out of it, he didn’t even feel the dash of room temperature cum across his skin. When Angelus started to rub his cum into to Xander’s belly, he opened one eye. Why was Angel rubbing lotion on him? He finally opened both his eyes all the way and looked down he knew instantly that that was not lotion. “What are you doing?”

To his credit Xander never tried to move away. “When I come back for you tonight I want you to smell like me understand.”

“Uh-huh” Xander was nodding his head and watching that hand rubbing his skin.

“Such a good boy for me and so pretty. We are going to have a very good time this summer beagán éileamh. Tell me would you come with me if I asked would you leave this place and come with me?”

“Yes.” The answer came quick and sure. Angelus liked that very much.

“Sleep now and I’ll see you tonight.”

Xander closed his eyes and when he heard the window creak he curled back in on himself and tried not to cry. There were unleashed tears and he knew the way he felt was wrong, he wanted so many things to be true so bad. He shouldn’t feel safer here with this killer than he did with his own friends his own family but he did. Xander had no way to express how much he wanted a place that was all his own, that would be challenged by no other. The facts flashed through his head by mid day they would all be gone and he and Angel would be alone for the entire summer. Maybe he couldn’t have what he wanted forever but maybe he could have it for the summer.

On the way back to his home, not the house where he stayed but his home Angel and Angelus heard the scream and followed it to a scene they didn’t want to deal with. It was less than an hour before dawn and they were swimming in confusion of their own, but the sight of a small demon being pushed up against a wall by one three time its size was more than they could ignore. I was obvious what the big demon had planed and it did not sit well that he would go unpunished for taking what was not offered him after all who would the small demon complain to.

With Angelus at his side the fight went hard and lasted too long he brought more pain than maybe he should have but then again it was fun to be unreserved for once. Angel brought down his fist on it’s upper thigh and heard the satisfying sound of bone breaking. The thing had stopped fighting a while ago and was now just trying to escape, that’s when Angel leaned over him and said, “In all the time I’ve killed I never hurt the way you were planning to. In that game they were always willing, even as I drank their hearts still.”

The vampire could hear things in the background moving, scavengers waiting to see if their meal would be alive or dead when they took it. Angel stood and looked around the smaller demon was gone. That was good he hated when they stayed and tried to help, they almost always ended up a liability. With the victim gone and sun on the rise he took off at an disturbing speed towards home.

Stepping into his bed room, //You could have been quicker//.

/You could have talked less./

Angel actually smiled at that, when did he converse with Angelus. He could worry about that at sundown. For now he just climbed into bed he knew better than to take off his cloths this time. Just as he had fallen asleep his eyes popped open and Angelus demanded /Find him./ Almost as quick Angel reached out and tried to find Xander and only found contentment, sleepy little sounds where pressing their way through the link. //You worry to much he’s fine.// Angelus was not so willing to take comfort in those words but with the sun up there was little he could do so he receded into the back of Angel’s mind a brought up memories of his boy laid out on display for him.

***

Blocks away in a basement two figures stood on either side of a sleeping boy. Pure white light started to emit from them both, the light then swirled around the boy and started to sink into his skin making him weightless. Xander opened up his and when discovering that he was floating he was at first alarmed and then decided he must be sleeping there was no way that he was flying.

The male figure in white reached out with his mind to his female counter part and, ‘Why are we doing this again?’

‘Because a champion with nothing to protect and nothing to call his own will only fight for so long, this way if he gives up the pet will follow. He would never allow that.’ The woman was talking to him as if he was clueless.

In many ways the male was ‘The vampire is already on the path and seems to like the boy just fine as he is, why honor the witch with our presence.’

‘Because my other half, the boy is not so willing to believe this life holds anything for him, only tonight he was content to fall into deaths arms. In this form he can make his own reason to exist if the vampire isn’t enough to hold him here.’ She moved her hands etching dark symbols into the pure light.

Her counter part joined her, ‘I get without this one the other will eventual fall, we take both or we get neither.’ He made a few adjustments changing the new form more to his liking adding things and taking things away that the witch and the slayer did not mentioned in the original spell. ‘He will eventually have to make the choice I am not so sure I want to lose him he is beautiful and so much more important than even he knows.”

The women nodded as she to added certain aspects as she saw fit, ‘Of course my love, as you wish.”

He went to her side moved in and kissed her neck, ‘You watch too many human movies.’

She only smiled wrapped them in white smoke and disappeared from this space and time.

Ready to snap...

Wed, 23 May 2007 17:44:10 GMT

Okay this is the last straw I so sick of my family that I don’t even have words to explain all the shit, but let me try. One I’ve been really kind of sick for the last four or five days and actually called into work on Saturday. Two my house is a total fucking mess due to the fact that I keep just putting stuff down and sleeping as much as I can. Three my car is still not fixed today it stopped on me again and after I dented it by hitting it repeatedly with an umbrella it started, so the 450 dollars I’ve spent has done nothing to fix it. Four I made a mistake with the finances so I have less money than I thought I did.

One through four are just life and happen you deal or get dealt with. Where the crap gets stuck to my shoe is when I call home because my car has stop in the driveway of the people I house sit for (and I can’t just leave it there) my mom the is like so, and acts really pissed that I even had the nerve to call her for help. I promptly told her good bye and called someone else and asked if there was a way to get the damn thing started, after I did what they told me and hit it with the umbrella it turned over. I don’t know which one fixed it.

At this point I feel like screw it if I have do everything myself then fine but don’t come crying to me when you fuck up and need help, like they all do! Now as soon as I get into the door mom is like something wrong with my cell phone I tried to call you back, something that I know is a lie. Then she said ‘can you fix it’ holding it out to me. She actually backed away from me when I looked up from getting the dog new water. I turned the phone that I bought her off and on again and called my phone no problem, I am so done with her shit, I love her but I’m done. I am going to calm down and then she and I are going to have a talk. I refuse to treat her like a child when she’s like 61 years old.

This is the end of my bitch session. Time to go clean my house.